Nov 02 2007
Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.
An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.”
I received this in a forward today. You know I hate forwards but this had a really good message and I thought it was good to share. Enjoy.
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you’ve got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can’t take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop
self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life”, you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, a shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can’t always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don’t try to control one another.
Learn each other’s family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don’t put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
“Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.” The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever.
Isaiah 40:8 - Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight.
Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. The difference between ‘United’ and ‘Untied’ is where you put the i. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Stumble it!
“What keeps a relationship strong?…sharing household tasks…”
I was pleasantly surprised to find this example. If my husband didn’t help bathe our sons some nights, take the trash out, or at the very least rinse the dishes, I can assure you it’d be a very different life for him =/. You know the old saying, “if Mama ain’t happy…”
I can’t lie…since I have been married I haven’t been doing my fair share around the house. But, a lot of words to live by in there.
Sharing household tasks….
So, if you and your wife have no children, she doesn’t go to school, she doesn’t work….
You can go put in 8 hours and come home and help with household chores for a happy marriage. Yeah.. sure.
Hmmm…I’d guess I’d be raising my eyebrows at a woman who didn’t want to work or go to school if she didn’t have kids, but perhaps I’m “modern.” I don’t know too many situations like this, but if any amount of people share a space, then I feel everyone should contribute in maintaining that living space. Feel sorry for the wives that do have to go it alone. I thank God my husband is “modern” too =).
@JW
Being in a similar situation, I used to feel the same way but if your significant other doesn’t agree with you on that point then it will probably fuel many fights. I came to the realization that yes, I do spend a 1/3 of my day at work to make money for both of us but I would have to do that with *or* without her in my life.
Your home life and your work life both have certain responsibilities in my opinion and you can’t really slack on one just because you do most or all of the other or you’ll probably begin to resent one another. If you don’t want to do your share of upkeep than what more will your significant other’s home life be but to be your maid and in return you give her food, shelter, and money?
I work full time and come home and do housework. My husband looks after our babes and trys to get fight the housework during the day too.
It is not about paid work. It is about effort into a relationship. We both work hard but make very different amounts. Sure I come home and make dinner. My work day does not stop after my paid work. Neither does his.
Eyes open and lots of hard work! Its a partnership and joint effort.
Nice website!!